Birthday Wishes
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Birthday Wishes

Birthday Wishes

Birthday Wishes

I had not yet answered Salty’s request that his birthday(s) be celebrated everyday. I was at a loss and could find no inspired way to tell my party-monster shipmate that everyday simply cannot be your birthday. Unless, of course, you were time travelling. Or in the movie Groundhog Day. But those possibilities aside, we mortals get but one per year.

While I was dredging up some long-lost insults and profanity from my army boot-camp days to hurl at the length of rope that I was splicing, I had an epiphany of sorts.

Methinks, I thought out loud, that Sir Salty’s ‘every day is my birthday’ announcement is really just his way of negotiating. We are all guilty of the same, are we not? Ask for the stars, settle for the moon.

With this in mind, I pinned this note to his flipper:

To Sir Salty Party-Like-It’s -1999

First let me apologize for not responding to the note explaining the frequency of and wishes commensurate with your birthday(s).

I regret to inform you that a daily birthday celebration is not possible aboard. Nonetheless, I am glad to be informed that your kind has a birthday everyday.

Additionally, when victualling for this passage, the Admiralty allowed only serving of popcorn and that to be shard amongst the crew.

However, by way of recognizing your many birthdays, I hereby grant an extra ration of grog to be issued to you daily as long as you stay signed on.


When I pinned it on his flipper, I thought him fast asleep. I had only turned around and taken a single step up the companionway ladder when I heard the grog-locker being flung open. Turning around, I found Salty face-down rum rummaging.

I guess I’ll take that as a yes…

Follow my tracks in real-time: