Sir Salty McPorpoise
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Sir Salty McPorpoise

Sir Salty McPorpoise

Sir Salty McPorpoise

I found this note taped to the galley stove this morning:

To the Kaptin of the slowist oshun-goin saylin tub this here side of the Pasifick:

See in az whur nere to makin landfal and hafin to klere custumz AND close to sum of thee finist fishin groundz in the wurld, I hereby tendur my rezignashun as Chief Steward, Chief Medical Offisir, Chief Fisherees Offisir, Karpintur, and Saylmakur. I xpect that my pay, rashuns, and grog will  not be affected by my rezining of these duteez.

If I am no longer incumbird by the ownerus rezponsibillitees of the above appointments, I wood be free and klere to sign on with another ship. In partickular, a fishin ship. Az yu know, these waterz are filled with fishin vessils of all sizes. Givun my reputashun as a wurld klass fisher of fishes and known the wurld over as such, most of the fishin tubs here will be fighting themslves for the awnur ov havin me aboard.

However, some stroke ov luck might preevent us from krossin wakez with an appropriate oppurtinitee aboard a fishin tub that kin trulee appresheate my yuneek and wurkd klas skillz. In that case, my rezignashuns will haf seen my name struck from the log in those khapsiteez and thereby will not draw any attenshun to myself shood a cureeus custumz offisur bother to purrooze it. I wood verree much preefur to remain unknown to Kanadium Custumz and the publik in generul on our return.

Custumz may enquire as to the small matter of sum severul tuns of illeegullee (alledged) caught and imported tuna, I will haf yu know I was helping a friend of a friend’s friend whose reefridjurashun unit had failed when the RCMP broke in and made the arrests. Altho I no nuthing about reefridjurashun, I thought a friendlee face and a few encuraging remarks wood be appreeciated.

There is also a misunderstanding regarding a large sum of Chinese Yuen owed (alledgedlee) to a notoreeus Chinese gamgstur and Triad boss. That may come up. And a rather embarassing incident where I was mistakenlee swept up in a melee cauzed by some grogged Navy saylorz. The police might ask about that. Newz of our arrival might alurt them to me beeing aboard.

You also might want to steer klere of the Empresss hotel as my name might kum up with regard to a small sum owed for damages to a suite I stayed in (alledgedlee) last August. I had genurously payed for the suite with a credit card while vacashuning abroad for those aforementiond friendz so naturalee there is some confusion as to who or how the fire started. I dont know how that same card got used at the Capital City Bar and Grill where a rather large tab was rung up but the ownurz of that establishment may kum snooping around az well. Just so yu know.

If no suitable posishun aboard a fishin vessel can be found on such short notice, and if yu think it might help, I haf a very eefektiv and convincing porpoise disguise that has fooled many a weaker-minded individual ne’er do well.


Etc., Etc.

Follow my tracks in real-time:


  • BT
    Posted at 10:41h, 02 July Reply

    Bert, you are amazing! Following you progress and posts with great admiration for you courage and wishing / willing you success. You are on the downhill run now. All the best from an Aussie follower BT ( 2 degrees of separation from your Uncle Joe).

  • Sandi Lyon
    Posted at 03:20h, 06 July Reply

    That looks about right. When it’s hot out in the ocean, its foggy and wet on the Wet Coast. That means you’re on the right track, heading the right direction. Finally. Woohoo.

  • Anita Kuntz
    Posted at 00:10h, 08 July Reply

    Following you journey and am truly amazed.

  • Suzan Persons
    Posted at 15:43h, 09 July Reply

    What an amazing journey!!

  • Karin Hill
    Posted at 15:27h, 13 July Reply

    Been following you for a couple of months now. What an amazing journey! Your blog is insightful and humorous. Almost home. Safe travels!

  • MountainJack
    Posted at 19:52h, 14 July Reply

    Has to be an amazing feeling to be so near home, Bert.

    Have spent months at sea “steaming”, not sailing, gaining my sea legs with the constant motion just became second nature. Getting back to a stable platform at dockside or over on the beach left me wobbly for a day or two. Cannot imagine how you’ll feel after a year of hardly ever being stable. There is that other thing having been on your own for that long; the familiarity of constant aloneness , the feeling of approach avoidance, being forced back into humanity. Might feel as though you could just extend a little bit more and savor the experience just a little longer…naw, probably not.

    Welcome back home, Bert. You’ve completed one heck of a feat.

  • Arthur Oliver
    Posted at 04:33h, 15 July Reply

    Getting oh so close. What’s the ETA?

  • estelle C whiddon
    Posted at 02:58h, 16 July Reply

    Bert, your homecoming Saturday will be a joyous occasion! I have followed the voyage daily and hope your arrival home brings much joy.

  • Peter Jungschaffer
    Posted at 07:19h, 18 July Reply

    This has been so great. Thank you!!!

  • BT
    Posted at 09:50h, 18 July Reply

    Hi Bert, you are just a few hours away from home. We are cheering for your most successful journey. We are especially amazed at the sailing conditions below Australia and New Zealand, as we can have some very big polar blasts hit us at this time of the year. Cannot imagine what it was like to sail through that type of weather. Can only take of hats off to you I amazement. Hope that you make it to Oz for a visit. What a wonderful achievement you have accomplished. /bt

  • Antonio Corbelletta
    Posted at 16:15h, 18 July Reply

    Congratulations! What an adventure! Well done. I have enjoyed tracking your voyage everyday just wish I would have know about it earlier, from the beginning.

  • Suzan
    Posted at 18:13h, 18 July Reply

    Yeahhhhhhhhh Bert!!! You have done it!!!
    Happy Homecoming – And stay safe!!!
    It isn’t the same world that you left!!
    I’m going to miss reading your travels and your adventures!! But thrilled that you’re home (almost) safe and sound!!
    Next trip around the world, hope that you’ll stop along the way and post your photos of the locals and the ports!!

  • Raegan Elford
    Posted at 19:23h, 18 July Reply

    Soldier who has logged more sea time than this Navy sailor.
    What an incredible accomplishment (the journey vice logging more sea time than I)

  • Marianne Scott
    Posted at 18:25h, 19 July Reply

    Congratulations on your accomplishment! I guess we will have to put up a plaque commemorating your voyage on the Victoria Harbour wall.

    Hope to see you this week.

    Marianne Scott

  • Tom Cory
    Posted at 07:40h, 23 July Reply

    Congradulations Bert from Annapolis MD. A Great Adventure.

  • Mark
    Posted at 12:24h, 29 July Reply

    I don’t think that anyone that attended Estevan Junior High could have imagined that this was in the future for one of it’s students. I checked in at different legs of the journey and was fascinated every time. Congrats!

  • Marcel Neamtu
    Posted at 07:14h, 06 December Reply

    What an adventure! But i do have a comment about the structure of the blog: it’s very hard for a late reader to read your earlier posts in a timely order or something. Very annoying to scroll all the time to your earlier there anything or I can be done? Am I missing something? If yes, pardon my ignorance.
    Cheers and take care!

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